Understand The Person You Want To Love:

“We really have to understand the
person we want to love. If our love
is only a will to possess, it is not
love. If we only think of ourselves,
if we know only our own needs and
ignore the needs of the other
person, we cannot love. We must
look deeply in order to see and
understand the needs, aspirations,
and suffering of the person we
love. This is the ground of real love.
You cannot resist loving another
person when you really understand
him or her.

From time to time, sit close to the
one you love, hold his or her hand,
and ask, 'Darling, do I understand
you enough? Or am I making you
suffer? Please tell me so that I can
learn to love you properly. I don't
want to make you suffer, and if I
do so because of my ignorance,
please tell me so that I can love you
better, so that you can be happy."
If you say this in a voice that
communicates your real openness to
understand, the other person may
cry.

That is a good sign, because it
means the door of understanding is
opening and everything will be
possible again.

Maybe a father does not have time
or is not brave enough to ask his
son such a question. Then the love
between them will not be as full as
it could be. We need courage to ask
these questions, but if we don't
ask, the more we love, the more
we may destroy the people we are
trying to love. True love needs
understanding. With understanding,
the one we love will certainly
flower.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh~