Let us pay more attention to reviewing ourselves. The aim is to spend 90% of the time examining ourselves and only 10% judging others.
Observe others only so that you can learn from their action and use the lesson leamed to improve yourself. Leam to see yourself in others and them in you because, after all, we are all similar. This is a way to practise the cultivation of loving-kindness (metta bhavana) so that we are kinder and more forgiving, so that we are less critical of others and, with mindfulness and wisdom, try to correct our own mistakes and improve ourselves.
The intention towards self-improvement is a wholesome action (kusala kamma). Once you detect one of your faults, be detennined to correct it. lt does not matter how many times you have committed that same mistake, as long as you keep trying to improve yourself
Anger
Different circumstances which cause anger to arise:
Someone speaks truthfully with goodwill but not to our liking and we are angry.
Someone speaks without ill intention but not to our liking and we get angry. Someone does not speak and we dislike his silence and we get angry. We think someone criticizes us (in fact they did not) and we get angry. Someone accuses us of criticizing them (in fact we did not) and we are angry.
We misunderstand someone’s action as wrong (in fact it was a good action) and we are angry.
Someone misunderstands our action as bad (in fact it was a good action) and we get angry.
Someone makes a long face leading us to think that he disapproves of us,and we get angry.
Physical discomfort can also get us angry. lll emotion that plagues our mind is also another cause for anger. When we are angry, we turn our anger towards everything around us, telling ourselves that we have every reason to be angry at people’s words and action. However, a venerated teacher has declared: ‘There is never a justification for our anger. Do not believe in your feelings or thoughts because they are all uncertain.’
Fury is like foul-tasting food: if someone brings it to us and we refuse to eat it, that person will have to take it back. By the same token, if someone gets angry with us and we remain calm, that person is in fact only getting mad at himself. But if we get furious too, it means we join him in eating the foul food.
So when anger arises, take a deep in-breath and long, extended out~breath. Follow the breath until mindfulness and clear comprehension arise and you become one with your breath. Under this condition the anger cannot linger. This is equal to not eating the bad food that someone brings, and so he has to take the food back.
Subduing anger
The Buddha equated fury with a bush fire that destroys everything in its path. Anger scorches ourselves, people we love and those who love us. It is like burning in hell, a totally no-win situation.
If we study the origin of anger we will notice that it starts with the change in our breathing pattern. First, our breath becomes hard and short, then angry thought
arises and finally turns into rage. For those newly introduced to dhamma practice, it is rather difficult to not get angry. But we certainly can regulate our breath, as it is not too complicated and only requires clear understanding of the whole process.
Breathing in and breathing out use different nervous systems which can be easily differentiated by assessing our feeling. Breathing out denotes relaxation and tranquility of the mind. Breathing in, on the other hand, indicates willfulness or stress. Therefore, when we try to subdue anger, we do so by concentrating on the out-breath.
To begin with, be focused, exhale long and light then breathe in naturally. Imagine that you drive out bad emotion with each exhalation. Repeat this several times, paying attention to long and relaxed out-breath while keeping the in-breath slow and deep. Notice the physical comfort we begin to feel. Calmness gradually arises. We will feel so much remorse for our anger that getting angry the next time will be more difficult.
For those who are often consumed by rage, complete abstention of anger is almost impossible. The more we try to suppress rage, the more stressful we get. In this case, tuming our attention to shortening the length of each episode of fury and try to let go of it faster. If you used to cling to anger for three days, try and reduce it to two days or one day, then down to one hour until finally you can let go of it completely.
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